THE IDENTICAL TWINS

(Words and Music by Terry Moore)

There’s a set o’ twins live doon Oor Street
Their name’s Joe and Willie Hart
They are identical in every way
You just cannae  tell them apart
They are baith 6 feet wi’ jet black hair
And they walk and talk the same
But ye’ want tae hear them scream and shout
And it’s all because o’ a fitba’ game.

You see their Faither came fae Govan, and their Maw, came fae Carfin
So Joseph, he’s a “Billy”, and William, well he’s a “Tim”
Tho’ they are identical, it must be somethin genetical
Or wiz there a cuckoo in the nest
Cause William belts out “Athenry”
And Joseph screams oot “Simply the Best”.
             (ad lib)
The Doctor gave them medication
But I’m afraid it wiz no use
William took his wi’ holy water
And Joseph drunk his wi’ orange juice
They had this big black Alsatian dug
You know it didnae know its name
Cause Joseph, he called it Coisty
And William called it McGrain.
     
You see their Faither came fae Govan and their Maw, came fae Carfin
So Joseph, he’s a “Billy”, and William,  he’s a “Tim”
Tho’ they are identical, it must be somethin genetical
Or wiz there a cuckoo in the nest
Cause William belts out “Athenry”
And Joseph screams oot “Simply the Best”.
            (ad lib)
So they baith get dressed for the fitba’
And this is where ye get the laugh
Everything they wear is identical
Except for their fitba’ scarfs
So which wan  is the “Blue-Nose”
And which wan is the “Jungle-Jim”
‘cause see when they take their scarfs ‘aff
If it’s no me……..it must be him.

You see their Faither came fae Govan and their Maw, came fae Carfin
So Joseph, he’s a “Billy” and William, he’s a “Tim”
Tho’ they are identical, it must be something genetical
Or wiz there a cuckoo in the nest
Cause William belts out “Athenry”
And Joseph screams oot “Simply the Best”